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“Tell me something bad,” my client whined.

“I love reading your newsletters and reading about your fabulous life and seeing how happy you are with your husband.  But sometimes I really don’t want to hear about it!  Especially when I’m having so much difficulty.  So tell me something that’s not working in your life!”

Wow.  As the Dating Director, I want to keep a positive attitude about love and life.  And it’s easier and more fun to write about good things.  Especially when life is full of good things.

It’s true.  I’ve been blessed.  I have good friends, good health, good surroundings and the love of a good man.  Who could ask for anything more? 

You could say I’m one of the lucky ones.

And believe me I am lucky when it comes to family and friends.

But getting into a romantic relationship…that’s where Luck had nothing to do with it. 

I worked hard.  I dated a lot of men.  I had to learn what to do, what to say and how to be as a woman.  I had to learn how to express myself in a way that made me feel better about who I am in a relationship.  And I had to learn how to negotiate and communicate in a rational way so I could be heard and understood by a man. 

It wasn’t easy.  It’s taken years.  And I’m still learning.

But it’s working.  I have an eight year relationship to show for it.  (Neither Lorenzo nor I had been in a relationship that lasted past a year and a half before.)

So it’s definitely been worth it. 

But make no mistake.  Getting into a relationship is where the real work begins!  You think you know what you want and then you somehow get it.  And then you panic and think…what do I do with it now?

Relationships are Major Skill Builders and Major Tests.  About who you are.  About who he is.  About who you are together.  About choices you make.  About commitment.  And about fear.

So today I’m sharing with you three realities from my relationship (and I don’t think I’m alone. )

1.  Expect Conflict

Because you’re gonna have it.  In fact, you can mark your calendar because usually the bomb goes off about every two months.  Every sixty days it’s like a BIG pimple pops.  Things build up and it just blows.

I don’t know ANYONE in a relationship (a good one anyway) that doesn’t deal with some kind of conflict or major obstacle of some sort.  NO ONE. 

Everybody’s got their stuff.

It could be an ex.  Or children.  Or a meddling in-law.  Or a health issue.  Or finances.  Or________(fill in the blank).

Conflict is part of Relationship.

It’s how you DEAL with conflict that determines if you’ll stay with your partner or not.

Now the good news:  Conflict Builds Intimacy.

So don’t fight with anyone you don’t want to build with. 

And remember…making up can be fun!

2.  The Perfect Mate (or Situation) Doesn’t Exist

Like buying a new house and then discovering it has leaks and mold, your dream man isn’t perfect.  And, lest I say, neither are you.

There are days when you will look at your husband (and he will look at you ) and you both will think, “Why in the “$#)@* did I marry this jerk?”  (Oh, yes.  You will, too.)

My husband, Lorenzo, has these annoying little habits…like dumping sugar on the counter when he makes coffee and leaving it there.  Or not sealing the zip lock bag together properly so food spoils.  Or Arrrrgggghhh!   Leaving all that nasty shaving cream mess in the bathroom sink.

You might be thinking, “Cherry, those things are so petty.  That’s not important in a relationship.  You can learn to live with that.”

And you’re right.

I do.

But every now and then (at least every two months), those petty annoyances just add up and I blow!

That’s when I scold him and tell him what to do.

And that’s when he calls me BIG MAN.

‘Cause I’m acting like BIG MAMA.

As skilled as I am in the art of femininity, there are times when IT’S REALLY HARD FOR ME TO BE THE GIRL!  (Especially when I think I’m smarter, I can do it better and at least 10 times faster! )

3.  Beware of Yourself



Personally, I believe the reason we’re in relationship is to heal parts of ourselves.  My husband teaches me more about myself than I (really) want to know!

It’s easy when everything’s fine to keep a big smile. 

But then the lights go out.  (They do.)  And trouble hits.  (It does.)  And you’re tested.  (You are.)  And you see parts of yourself that you’ve never known.  (Or want to know).

That’s when a relationship is not so pretty.  Or nice.

That’s when it’s dark.  And scary.  Because behind the scenes are where you see the dark side of yourself.

He exposes your greatest fears.  He plays on your insecurities.  He knows you behind your mask.

There’s no place to go and hide.  Your partner sees everything. 

And It’s hard.  It’s hard to watch yourself and who you can become when you’re angry at someone you love.

It just feels bad.  It sucks.

And there’s more at stake being in a marriage.  (More paperwork and furniture.)

So all I know to do is to strap myself in and go through it.  Get through it the best I can.

And grow.  And learn.  And share.

And so far, it’s been worth it.

Many times we “blow” a relationship because we don’t know how to ask for what we want.

For more articles by the Dating Director go to:”Love Life & Looking Good” Article Blog

 

Something I Said This Is It Dwight Hobbes MN Spokesman-Recorder Michael Jackson was one of the greatest entertainers since Sammy Davis, Jr. Even on the comeback trail, he towered over the music industry worldwide. The man’s abilities were nothing short of miraculous. He sang with uncanny clarity and could dance his skinny little butt off. The term genius might just be an understatement. All of which underscores the travesty that is This Is It, a supposed tribute. It amounts to nothing more than one more vulture, director Kenny Ortega, picking at a carcass — just like the tabloid media, making the best buck possible off the death of an incredibly popular artist. The film is footage from rehearsals for Michael Jackson’s planned This Is It tour. With interviews. Not a bad idea. Who wouldn’t want a glimpse behind the scenes of preparation for a Michael Jackson concert? It’s intriguing enough if you’re not a fan, but, for those of us who loved his music, it is irresistible. The problem is, no care at all was taken to make this a creative undertaking. It was slapped together and rolled out like meat on a slab, packaged and sold with Ortega blithely strolling straight to the bank. Nobody gave a flying figure-eight about making it watchable. This Is It opens with a paragraph stating that Jackson authorized the film for installment in his personal library. He didn’t mean for it to be publicly released – at least not in this shape (Jackson, well known for being a maniacal perfectionist, would’ve never let such a slipshod affair represent him). But, here we have it, a boring-as-watching-paint-dry take on the legend that was Michael Jackson. Jackson sings beautifully, doing his biggest hits, including a Jackson Five medley. He dances sharply. Instead of complimenting Jackson’s skill, though, with tight, inventive cinema work. Ortega directs as an afterthought, splicing performance and interviews with musicians and dancers (Jackson is not interviewed) into a formula that gets old after 15 minutes. Michael Jackson works a song. Somebody gets interviewed. Michael Jackson works a song. Somebody gets interviewed. Michael Jackson works a song…” For all that Jackson on stage was electrifying beyond words, it’s not hard to lose that immediacy on screen. All it takes is droning exposure to each different song being handled the same and Ortega milking minutia to the point at which a log would be put to sleep. On the upside, Jackson never ran out of talent, he just started going with pedestrian material. Here, we see him sink his teeth into some of his richest stuff, mostly from the record-shattering, chart-topping Thriller. There is something eerie about watching him do an idle run-through of “Human Nature”. It’s a haunting, hypnotic ballad showcasing a gorgeous melody rendered with the ultimate in finesse. Jackson, off-handedly nails it, every nuance, like it was lunch. Then, matter-of-factly instructs the musical director as to how the arrangement is to be executed. We could’ve used, frankly, a few more moments like that and a lot less of Ortega shooting asterisk-kissing testimonies from Jackson’s backup ensemble. In a nutshell, skip the movie and buy the soundtrack. You’ll get killer renditions of “Man In The Mirror”, “Billie Jean” and “Beat It”. Too bad he just did a rough take on the Jackson 5 songs, skipping lyrics, listening to the mix and generally situating himself, or the medley would make it to the album. Had Ortega trimmed about a half-hour and put forth some effort, This Is It would’ve done Michael Jackson justice. This half-baked effort, however, does nothing to honor the legacy of a monumental performer.

Warner Bros. distributed the film with the Australian companies Village Roadshow Pictures and Animal Logic, the latter having produced visual effects for Happy Feet. Production took place in Australia, and the film was released in RealD 3D and IMAX 3D on September 24, 2010.

Soren (Jim Sturgess) is a young adventurous Barn Owl who loves hearing stories from his father Noctus (Hugo Weaving) about the legend of the Guardians of Ga’Hoole, a legendary alliance of owls that are sworn to protect the Kingdom of Ga’Hoole. His younger sister Eglantine (Adrienne deFaria) is enamoured by these stories, but his older brother, Kludd (Ryan Kwanten), is jealous of the attention Soren receives. One night, after falling out of their tree, Soren and Kludd are attacked by a tasmanian devil and then captured by owls working for the evil Metalbeak (Joel Edgerton) and his mate Nyra (Helen Mirren).

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Soren and Kludd are snatched by two brothers, Long-eared Owls Jatt (Leigh Whannell) and Jutt (Angus Sampson). As the slave-takers gather, Soren meets Elf Owl Gylfie (Emily Barclay) and her captor, Boreal Owl Grimble (Also Hugo Weaving). Nyra arrives and makes a speech to the kidnapped owls, explaining that their families have abandoned them and that Metalbeak’s “Pure Ones” are their new family. Metalbeak believes that Tytos are pure and strong, and deserve to rule. These owls are encourged to show strength and ruthlessness, and as such are to be trained as soldiers, while the rest will be “pickers”. Soren and Gylfie object and are thus sent to be pickers. Kludd denies his brother, which pleases Nyra. He goes away with the Tytos.

The pickers are made to sleep under glare of the full moon, which Gylfie says will induce a sort of hypnotic state that she calls “moon-blinked”. Soren and Gylfie help to keep one another awake to avoid this fate. As predicted, the moon-blinked owls are docile and zombie-like the next morning; Soren and Gylfie try to imitate the moon-blinked birds, but Grimble notices their strange behavior. The pickers are guided to the Pelletorium, where their labor consists of picking apart owl pellets in search of metal flecks which the mice had eaten before being consumed. En masse, the flecks generate a strong magnetic field which has a peculiar weakening effect on owls; they are therefore managed by bats, which are immune to the effect.

Soren and Gylfie make plans to escape, but their planning is interrupted by Grimble and they are marched off to Grimble’s library. Grimble reveals that his family is held hostage against his good behavior, and he has been waiting for owlets clever enough to avoid being moon-blinked; he wishes to teach them to fly and send them to warn the Guardians of Ga’Hoole of Metalbeak’s plans.

Meanwhile, Kludd and other various Tytos are being trained by Nyra. With Kludd’s success in an aerial hunting exercise, Nyra suggests that he try to convince Soren to join the Pure Ones. Nyra and Kludd catch Grimble in the middle of a flying lesson, forcing Grimble to fight the Pure Ones to buy time for Soren and Gylfie to escape. Soren begs Kludd to come with them, but Kludd refuses and joins the fray on Nyra’s side. While the Pure Ones kill Grimble, Soren and Gylfie dive over the cliff’s edge and barely escape from their pursuers.

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